The Two Greatest Gifts a Father can Give to his Children
Dear Friend,
I have reflected long and hard on the subject of Fatherhood as we honor our fathers on this day.
To be sure there are many great gifts a father can give to his children. Love, security, education, self discipline, kindness to name but a few.
Each is terribly important in its own right but I want to share with you the two that are the greatest for me.
The first is wisdom. Let's face it here experience counts and Dad's tend to be good at accumulating experience and passing it on. Wisdom is really the synthesis of that experience. It transcends book and street learning and is the essence of who the person is physically emotionally and spiritually. It is there unique statement to the world from their Inner Being.
Wisdom is not always spoken; as a matter of fact action or lack thereof can be the greatest kind of wisdom. Many of the most powerful statements my Dad made to me were not spoken but demonstrated by his actions.
I can remember being on vacation In Jamaica in Kingston when I was 8 years old. We were walking through one of the side streets and came across a man with no legs who had a plate to collect money from passersby.
I vividly remember my Dad looking at me for a moment, and then reaching into his wallet and pulling out a $100 dollar bill.
It was more money than I had ever seen and undoubtedly more money than the poor soul who he gave it to had ever seen in his life!!
Thus I learned the wisdom of generosity.
Another illustration I recall very well occurred when my Dad was just starting in practice. I was not even born yet, but I heard the story from a detective who was a patient.
A situation occurred where a man my dad had taken care of in the hospital a few days before holed up in his kitchen keeping his wife and child at gunpoint. While this may sound commonplace today, in the 1950's it was not.
The police called my Dad in to talk to the guy. He eventually got him to give up the gun to the Police and accompanied him to the Police Station because he promised to keep this man from harm.
From this I learned the wisdom of integrity. You are your patients advocate in all situations and you keep your word.
I can remember another situation where I had done something pretty bad and was going to get a certain whipping for it. Contrary to modern day thinking, I was not spared the rod on occasion. I do not bear any long term trauma form it!
My Dad looked me in the eye and told me to tell him the truth. Sobbing from embarrassment and the awful feeling of having let the most important person in your life down I confessed to the crime.
While I did get a beating it was far less severe than I deserved, and frankly it was done more on principle than for effect.
And yet it had an incredible effect, later, when I heard my Dad quietly weeping to my Mom over the so called beating I had received I knew the truth of the saying, 'this is going to hurt me more than it is you'.
From this I learned the wisdom of compassion and gentleness. I assure you I never repeated the action that got me into trouble ever again.
Once in a meeting that I went to with my dad an elderly lady who neither of us knew sank to the floor and had a seizure. My father was apparently the only doctor in the audience and responded immediately establishing an airway and preventing the woman from biting her tongue. He rode to the hospital in the ambulance with her and made sure she was stabilized until she could be admitted for a workup.
From this I learned the wisdom of a healer. As everyone else stood around and gawked my Dad sprang into action and did what came naturally to him...helping someone in need. Thus began my own career as a healer.
There were many spoken kernels of wisdom too but I think I learned the most from watching my Dad. I watched how he enjoyed people, how he enjoyed life, how he loved and honored my Mom and how he loved his work.
I also learned the wisdom of play and relaxation from my Dad. At age 75 he accompanied us to Cancun for a vacation. With the wide eyed grin of a child, he rode a Jet Ski for the first time. Later that day he tried scuba diving, another first. I know he had as much fun as I did that day!
Dads remember, your children are watching you, always! They want to please you and most of all in the early years to be like you. Teach your children well!!
Teach them what you know about fun, joy, knowledge, love and compassion.
Which brings me to the next greatest gift, the gift of Freedom.
This can take many forms; the freedom from hunger, the freedom from want, the freedom from fear and so on.
All of them are invaluable but to me the freedom that shows the most wisdom, is the freedom we give to our children to be who they are: totally unique individuals with as much to teach us as we have to teach them!
To say that my Dad lived a life full of Joy, Freedom and Growth would be 100% true.
To say that he wanted the same for me is also absolutely true. I know he would have done anything to insure this.
Even if it meant I would not be doing what he 'wanted' me to do.
By the time my father's life had ended I had experienced both the joy of having a fantastic Dad, and of having that fantastic Dad be a fantastic friend.
He accepted me as I was with no judgments on my shortcomings or failed aspirations.
I was allowed to be whom and what I am and he was proud of that, and proud of my individuality.
In spite of the fact that he shaped all of my years through my early 20's he was able to let go and watch as I made my own way with triumphs and tribulations alike.
He knew he had done everything he could to give me every advantage that I could have.
The rest was up to me if I was to become a man.
When people who knew both of us call me by his name instead of my own I take it as a compliment. For I know in my heart that while I carry many of his best traits with me, I am my own man.
And I will make my own way in the world according to my own rules and experiences. And like my father before me I will try to make sure others benefit from them.
I will try to let everyone I love be and do what they want to be and do without hindering them.
While I miss my Dad greatly I don't shed tears when I think of him. As a matter of fact most times I wind up thinking of something silly and fun he did with me and I have to smile.
I find myself saying the words again that I said when he died,' Job well done, Dad!'
And then just in case he's listening still I ask him to help me to leave the same kind of legacy.
May it be so for all of us!
Dave Woynarowski, M.D., CPT
The Nation's #1 Anti-Aging Physician
P.S. For the worlds best anti-aging supplements including Dr Dave's Best
Pharmaceutical Grade Fish Oil go here and order now.
Don't delay; you are not getting any younger, YET!
